we might be blended… But we are a family first

my Reflections on blended family life

We all know life, let alone parenting or being in a blended family, has its own ups’ and downs’.

This space right HERE, has been created for you to reflect & ponder the hard questions that you might be experiencing in your own family dynamic.

Here, I share MY reflections & learnings with YOU as a parent, step-parent, partner & divorcee…

  • Thoughts on some difficult conversations, moments and learnings I’ve had through my divorce process.
  • Thoughts and reflections on the parts of life and blended family life that give me joy and push me to my absolute limits.
  • Sharing parts of my story vulnerably and courageously as a woman trying to juggle life, relationships, parenting, a career, and now a podcast in the mix.

I’ve got your back!

Chantelle Blandin de Chalain Chantelle Blandin de Chalain

That person was ME

I was listening to a podcast recently where these thoughts were shared and it just hit hard for me.

It hit hard, because this was MY story, and I believe a story that so many can relate to.

Relationships end for two people at different periods in the marriage / relationships / partnership.

When you make the commitment to get married you both set a date, plan your wedding to the final detail and plan to marry your partner on as special day, at a special venue surrounded by your loved ones.

You declare words of eternal love and share marriage vows in front of your family & friends. And then…have a marriage certificate to verify it in the eyes of the law and seal the deal. There is a date. There are photos and memories that surround this beautiful day. It’s all captured and celebrated and re-celebrated every year on the exact same date.

A breakdown in a marriage or a relationship however, is not always this simple or as granular in planning.

It’s often the one person in the relationship who let’s go first. Whether its conscious or subconscious. Its the one person who realizes that the marriage, the relationship, is no longer fulfilling or serving them the way they envisioned it would. It’s the one person, who carries the world of guilt on their shoulders for choosing to end their marriage and break their vows. In relationships we have our moments of absolute joy. We have our moments of bliss, love and laughter that makes your tummy ache and we have our moments of indescribable sadness Moments where you fight. Moment where you put in the work.

Moments where you go for the counselling and then go home and do more work. You fight for your vows. You fight for your family. You fight for a home and family for your children. You fight for a love you once had.It’s often a struggle… with the OTHER PERSON possibly not wanting the commitment to end or wanting to hold on just for a little longer to see if things will change. And then ONE PERSON along the journey decides it’s time for a new chapter. THE PERSON who feels they fought hard and didn’t know how to fight any harder.

That PERSON was ME.

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Chantelle Blandin de Chalain Chantelle Blandin de Chalain

What the hell just happened?

Have you ever had a conversation with someone where you thought you were as clear as you possibly could be about expectations and next steps. You walked away from the conversation thinking “we are on the same page” and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Fast forward a few weeks to only find the person has does the EXACT OPPOSITE to what was discussed?!

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Chantelle Blandin de Chalain Chantelle Blandin de Chalain

on Learning how to be his stepmom

I’m a believer that when a woman falls pregnant, something shifts in her immediately. Her motherly instinct kicks in and she loves her baby instantly. This is why as woman, we take all the right vitamins, eat all the right food and rub our baby bump for as long as we possibly can before that little baba is born. When you meet that little face for the first time, unconditional love finally makes sense. The next chapter of your life starts. You have this time from birth to get to know your child, their facial expressions and what each laugh, smile and every crying sound means. You grow as a parent with your child, TOGETHER!

This is not, however, the same reality when you fall in love with someone who already has a child. You take on every part of a new partner’s life, and often after a divorce, this would involve meeting your partner’s children and getting to know them, everything about them, in a learning speed that seems to be in overdrive constantly. Whether their child is still an infant or a toddler going through the phase of terrible twos or even a teenager who knows everything about life and then some more, you are meeting them in their own phase of life. The learning starts at that moment.

We by no means have it all figured out. These kids still surprise us every day. My new favorite line at the moment is…” but mommy, I don’t eat that anymore” or “but mommy, I changed my mind”. That being said, our biggest strength as a home is that we TALK. We all ask QUESTIONS. We all LISTEN to every single story told. We pay ATTENTION. We say SORRY if we get it wrong and we TRY AGAIN. But, in our home, importantly we LOVE HARD! WE have embraced our titles of stepbrother, step-sister and step-parents. I’m a mommy and a stepmom and I couldn’t imagine a world where I don’t have this little boy…now almost 8 years old… running to me with open arms screaming “Aunty Chantelle…I’ve missed you!”

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