How do you know if your next relationship will work?
“Feel your PAIN, know your WORTH and live your GROWTH – Chantelle Blandin de Chalain”
Honestly, you don’t…
There is no such thing as the magic ball or the magic wand when it comes to life. We just live it. We make decisions. We follow our hearts and minds and hope for the best.
BUT… It needs to be said that THERE IS something DIFFERENT about getting into a new relationship after divorce. There is something fundamentally different about getting into “that next relationship” that no one really speaks about.
When you go through a divorce, there is a whirlwind of emotions that you experience during that time. You undoubtedly go through the process of doubt, guilt and pain. You look at your child(ren) and wonder if you made the right decision. There are moments of absolute fear of the unknown and concern and worry of starting a life “all over again” or “all on my own”.
There is healing, soul searching and self-reflection.
There are moments of utter honestly that forces you to come back as a stronger version of yourself.
You discover strengths through that pain you didn’t know existed in you.
You go through a process of SELF-LOVE.
A process where you learn to APPRECIATE yourself, your strengths and what you stand for.
You hold firm to the life you want to create for yourself and your family in the future.
It’s about filling your own cup and not looking for someone to fill it for you. It’s about putting YOUR JOY and MEANING first and finding purpose in what YOU LOVE ALL OVER AGAIN! In finding YOURSELF all over again!
I’ve often said to Tristan, that he met me in the worst time of my life. This part of life is where I have given myself permission to put my own happiness FIRST.
It sounds selfish hey?
Sometimes when I say it out loud, I feel really do feel selfish, but then I remind myself of the big and bold decisions I made to be happy. That pain of my divorce, my healing and my growth now forms part of my story and how I have stepped into my relationship with Tristan and the kids.
Do Tristan and I know if this next chapter of life is going to work out for the two of us and the future we are hoping to build as a blended family? No, we don’t.
There are parts of my new blended family life and relationship with Tristan that feels so much easier and blissful, and then there are other parts of this relationship that feel so much harder than the life I had before. There are dynamics that come with blended family life I just didn’t realise would be as tricky or as stressful at times to navigate… (we can’t choose who we fall in love with hey… #truestory).
Is there a guarantee that this relationship for me, second time round is going to work.. given all the added stressors and blended family life dynamics we face on a daily life?! No.
I don’t have a magic ball. I don’t have a magic wand…(damn it would be so much easier if we did). But, I do feel that I know myself so much better this time round in life. I feel that I show up differently as a woman, a mother and a partner because of my past hurt, my healing and my growth.
This thing called life and relationships are tricky. There are no guarantees.
My words of wisdom on stepping into a new relationship, is to first and foremost place yourself in the center of your life again. Make the time to prioritize yourself and get to know yourself FIRST. LEARN to love yourself FIRST. Lean into who you are a person and parent, how you want to show up in your next relationship and importantly what fulfilment looks like for you. Life is too short not to.
I promise you the compromises you make and the things you learn to value will look different in your next relationship.
“Feel your pain, know your worth and live your growth – Chantelle Blandin de Chalain”