On Showing up for our kids in our blended family home
Our routine at night, is for Tristan and I to lie in bed and chat about the day, especially the kids... (well on the days where I have not fallen asleep at 08:00pm lol)
Tris & I talk about the things we noticed, the things we are proud of and the things we feel we need to pay more attention to, to support Mila & Jordi. A lens of supporting the kids across two homes is a huge focus for us as parents. Last night was the same routine...except this time I was showing Tristan old photos of Mila when she was about 2 years old. This teeny, little girl with her blonde wavey hair, her big smile and her famous frown.
We stumbled across a family picture from our recent family shoot and Tristan said... "If we don't show up for our children with the small things... how will they trust us with the big things?"… (Proper WOW hey!!! I keep him around for a reason!)
This was an absolute ah-ha moment for me.
How do we show up for our children on a daily basis so that our interactions foster trust and build relationships?
As stepmom, I often felt that I needed to work so much harder to gain the trust of my stepson Jordi (7), to ensure that I didn’t overstep any boundaries that would create confusion for him as we managed the early stages of blended life. I’m still very aware of this in how I show up for him today. Jordi, is a ball of love and allows me to be there for him which is a tick in my step-momma box for sure. Also… he knows I say yes, more times than no. to a sweetie in the ‘sweetie draw’ :)
Mila (6) and Tristan, are finding their own groove and its been beautiful to watch their relationship grow. She makes Tris work for it though… coloring in with her, drawing with her and lets not forget imaginary play time. Mila is a child where quality time is her love language …so, “lets take out the Barbies and dinosaurs and play Uncle Tristan”.
Point is… we show up for the small stuff and have worked so hard to build relationships with our (step)children.
We make the time to play with both of them and spend alone time with each of them too. I feel that this is so important for Mila to still have ‘girly’ time with me and for Jordi to spend quality time with his dad without us girls around.
We talk to them. I find Tristan and Jordi have their ‘DMC’s’ (Deep Meaningful Conversations) when Jordi is in the bath at night. Mila, loves to chat at night before bed time and tell me all about school and what makes her heart happy or sad, before bedtime tickles start.
Our hope is that IF we show up for them now, we foster and nurture positive family vibes in our blended home and in the relationships we each hold with each other under a different title.
We might be BLENDED… but we are a FAMILY first.