That person was ME

“We might get married on the same day, but we get divorced on different days - unknown”

This hit hard.

I was listening to a podcast recently where these thoughts were shared and it just hit hard for me. It hit hard, because this was MY story, and I believe a story that so many couples can relate to.

Relationships end for two people at different periods in the marriage / relationships / partnership.

When you make the commitment to get married you both set a date, plan your wedding to the final detail and plan to marry your partner on a special day, at a special venue surrounded by your loved ones. You declare words of eternal love and share marriage vows in front of your family & friends. And then…have a marriage certificate to verify it in the eyes of the law and seal the deal. There is a date. There are photos and memories that surround this beautiful day. It’s all captured and celebrated and re-celebrated every year on the exact same date.

A breakdown in a marriage or a relationship however, is not always this simple or as granular in planning.

It’s often the ONE PERSON in the relationship who let’s go first. Whether its conscious or subconscious. It’s the ONE PERSON who realizes that the marriage, the relationship, is no longer fulfilling or serving them the way they envisioned it would. It’s the ONE PERSON who carries the world of guilt on their shoulders for choosing to end their marriage and break their vows.

In relationships we have our moments of absolute joy. We have our moments of bliss, love and laughter that makes your tummy ache and then….then we have our moments of indescribable sadness. Moments where you fight with your partner. Moment where you put in the work in your relationship. Moments where you go for the counselling and then go home and do more work to save your relationship. You fight for your vows. You fight for your family. You fight for a home and family for your children. You fight for a love you once had and hold onto what life once was….

It’s often a struggle… with the OTHER PERSON possibly not wanting the commitment to end or wanting to hold on just for a little longer to see if things will change. And then ONE PERSON along the journey decides it’s time for a new chapter. THE PERSON who feels they have fought hard and didn’t know how to fight any harder.

That PERSON was ME.

I ended my marriage. I asked for a divorce and IT WAS and STILL IS one of the hardest moments in life I have ever had to struggle through.

It’s 4 years later, and I survived.

It’s 4 years later, and I am fulfilled.

It’s 4 years later and I have found love and happiness again.

It’s 4 years later, and my ex-spouse has found love and happiness again too.

My daughter is ok and has gained 2 little brothers along the way.

It’s 4 years later, and my new chapter now has a blended family who I adore, filled with brand new struggles and moments of awareness I never thought I needed to navigate in life.

It’s 4 years later, and I feel like I can let go of the guilt for leaving. For choosing MYSELF. For choosing happiness for ME. For choosing a life of FULFILLMENT… created and owned by ME!

Friends reading this… IT WILL BE OK. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS and for the parts of life in between, be kind to yourself & feel every damn emotion you need to feel.

The power of hindsight is a BI*TCH, but she really does open our eyes up wide with more gentleness and wisdom for the future.